The real estate mantra ‘location, location, location’ could equally well describe the  preoccupation many people have about getting it right in bed; so much so that perfectionism has reduced sex to little more than position, position, position.  This kind of pressure is supposedly all about being creative between the sheets … or should I say on the kitchen table, perhaps with you served up as the whores d’vour?

Starting with ancient sex manuals like the Kama Sutra, much has been written about spicing up your sex life.  But how many of us get turned on by flipping through a manual while trying to crack a hand-stand in pursuit of a new, more imaginative position? 

It stands to reason that the longer you and your partner have been together the more you’re likely to get into the same old habits. But, if the routine satisfies both of you, then what’s the issue with sticking to positions like the missionary, spooning or styles inspired by Fido? 

The missionary got both its name and a bad rep because the idea of male-on-top suited the establishment’s ideas on what was deemed ‘decent’ in the bedroom.  Anyone who has tried it will know that the missionary is one of the hardest positions from which to satisfy a woman and it was only relevant during times when delighting in coitus was considered wicked for women. 

But if the missionary blows your pubic hair back, chuck out the manuals that suggest otherwise and get on with whatever you consider constitutes a good time.

The idea of inventive sex was initiated to break the missionary mould but today the obsession with ‘getting it right’ has made men and women so guarded and self-conscious that it has sucked the creative juices right out of the reality of being satisfactorily laid.  

It’s common knowledge that creativity and perfectionism cannot co-exist, so if you are fixated about which body part may or may not be shaved and whether you are revealing your cellulite or that wobbly bum, then no matter what position you take, sex will just end up being a mission.

The funny thing about vaginas and penises is that both are quite simple tools to operate; neither needs a complicated instruction manual.  The problem is not the tools so much as the workman and, as each of us enjoys different things, the only direction required is to guide your partner to the hotspots that turn you on. 

Humans have been enjoying sex for thousands of years without having to rely upon manuals, toys and faux nurse’s outfits.   So whether you’re getting your rocks off camping in a cave, soaking in a Jacuzzi or having sex on the beach, the only position important to take is to make sure you’re having fun.

Fun and creativity are products of spontaneity and no one can be spontaneous when we plan a strategy as to where, when, how and for how long we’re going to let our hair down.  Structure destroys imagination and when your toes are pinning back your ears, little could be more off-putting than having to turn to page 64 to find out where his arms and legs belong. 

Sex manuals may be good to spark off some new ideas but, once you’re all fired up, put the book down and let your creative urges rise.  It doesn’t really matter what position you land up in as long as you both enjoy getting there.

Do take some precautions though.  I knew a couple who had a preference for backseat bonking at insane hours of the morning.  On one occasion they chose a quiet golf-course parking lot thinking that the only balls in play would be swung by something flimsier than a five-iron.   However, upon reaching the crescendo they were unexpectedly applauded by a group of early-rising caddies who were overjoyed by such an extraordinary hole-in-one.

Laughter releases tension and can also ease awkward moments so, if you want him pitching tents in his Boxers, being naturally playful is more likely to get the big top up than assuming a position.  

Performance anxiety affects both men and women making it difficult for either to rise to the occasion.  Trying too hard will put the kibosh on creativity and this never-ending quest to get sex right is, in fact, the only way to get it really wrong. 

So, for all you’ve ever wanted to know about your position on positions, just ask your fertile imagination and let the hay roll from there on.

Many men would love it if their female partner was interested in watching adult videos with them, but they are afraid to ask, because they are scared of how she might respond. The truth is that many women enjoy adult videos just as much as men, or at least open to the idea of trying them out- if they have not already. The problem that most men have is that they make their partners feel like watching them is about watching other women. If make the point clear that it is not about cheating-with-a-video, then your partner will be much more receptive to the idea.

The first step is letting her know that you are interested in watching a video with her, and that you are not interested in watching the videos for the purpose of seeing other women. Make it clear that you are interested in getting new ideas of positions to use with her. One of the best ways to introduce this idea is by purchasing an erotica book or video, on the softer side, e.g. Kama Sutra to watch together. If this goes over well, and you have a mutual inclination towards taking it to the next level, then move on to the next step.

The second step is to watch a safe, premium cable TV video, like you see late at night on Cinemax or HBO. These are very couple-oriented, and are not graphic at all. Most people would not find these late-night shows offensive, so they are pretty safe if the erotica video/book went over well. They can be stumbled-upon when channel surfing, so you can very easily bring them into discussion by ‘accidentally’ turning them on when you watch television together. If she likes it, and you have successfully made the transition to these video, and your experiences together are intensifying as a result, then it is time to go all the way.

The third and final step is to pick out an adult video at a store, or online. Find videos that are geared towards couples, i.e. not degrading to women. Videos are becoming more couple-oriented, now that video makers are discovering how many women enjoy them as well, but there are still a lot of terribly offensive ones out there, so be careful. Also, you will have a terrible experience watching a video with her if she offended, and she will probably not be interested in watching videos with you again in the future. To play it safe, you should probably let her pick the video the first time, and you should go along with whatever she picks. Wait until the second time you watch a video together to voice your opinion.

If you have successfully made the transition to watching videos together, congratulations! A few things to keep in mind are; never suggest any degrading videos (they are not enjoyable anyways), focus on her, do not try to watch them all the time, do not just watch the videos with her- get interactive by trying out some of the things in the videos while you watch them.

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India with its vast population and ancient history understandably has had changing attitudes towards sex.

The history of sex in India has been affected by many things, the caste system, colonization, and latterly globalisation. There has been a turnaround in attitudes towards sex recently and a return to attitudes that were common in ancient times.

Although the Kama Sutra is popularly known today in Western countries as a guide to sex, Indian attitudes towards sex has been almost prudish until recently. An influx of Western culture has slowly seen a sexual revolution unfolding in India .

The Kama Sutra

The Kama Sutra is one of the surviving texts about the sixty four arts of love making. It was not widely distributed by everyone in India . The history of sex in India was always guided by the caste system, as it is today. Sex between castes was often forbidden.The higher castes and those belonging to the nobility practised the sixty four arts. There were many versions of the arts, some of which have been lost forever. These guides were highly influential and spread as far as Japan .

The Kama Sutra comes from a time when India had relatively liberal ideas towards sex. Sex was considered a duty to be carried out by married couples, and husband and wife were to pleasure each other equally. These liberal attitudes towards sex are not consistent throughout the history of sex in India .

Colonization

Colonization had a very big impact on the history of sex in India . British colonists brought with them a Victorian attitude towards sex and propriety. The establishment of British rule meant that British ideas towards sex slowly spread throughout India . This severely curbed sexual freedom and many respected Indians adopted this form of thinking towards sex.

Globalization

While the West experienced the beginnings of a sexual revolution in the 1960’s and 70’s, India remained in its colonial past in terms of attitudes towards sex. It has only started to open up to ideas about sex and sexual freedom in recent years as exposure towards Western standards on sexual freedom has increased.

Depictions of sex in movies and television has been rare, even kissing scenes are considered by many Indians. This however is changing, with sex slowly creeping into the cinema. The liberalization of sexual attitudes in modern India has marked a new chapter in the history of sex in India . The AIDS epidemic has taken hold of India .

The large amount of AIDS cases is largely to do with the population of India . However the problem of poor sex education is also part of the problem. Many people in rural areas do not know they are infected and continue to infect others.

Original article : History Of Sex In India And Its Changing Role