Friday nights:

Friday night 5.00PM, the day’s work at the store was a particularly long and drawn out, and the only thing that you could think of all day in the shop was how and what method you would use for the evening’s extracurricular activities. First this…, then that… BIG MISTAKE! The anticipation of having sex seems even more enjoyable than doing the deed itself. This is what often happens, playing out the scenario in your head over and over again and when you finally do meet up you are just bursting for it; a speed-dial boink of ultrasonic proportions. An amazing 30 seconds-good night! Take gourmet over gourmand for example, you are starved-the saliva glands work overtime-you wolf it down-appetite fed-game over. Satisfying? I think not. My method is a simple store of gourmet cooking, slow things down and prepare. Try and concentrate on something else during the day-it’s hard J I know but well worth it. Preparation for sex is most important, have a good shower or a bath and then put on your sex outfit, if you don’t have an outfit buy one; check out the online range with various sex toy stores and shops. My personal favourite for women is a skin tight black fishnet suit (Linda) bare buttocks with a black g-string (T-back) or perhaps a peek A boo suit which can be equally stunning. Shop around. What’s in store for men is something simple, a penis strap along with briefs with a zipper or for the even more adventurous the very luring leather corset cuffs. As for other sex toys and accessories available at online shops and stores, the all important sensual oils such as clitoral stimulating gel and bull power delay gel for men, (especially useful for the first shag of the evening) and not forgetting a vibrator or dildo to help with that extra stimulation for the ladies. OK, I’m sorry if I have offended some of you; I’m just trying to point out to you that sex toys and sex shops and stores are all so common nowadays and use of which are well accepted in society today. So let’s not be shy here, with the same partner (appx. 200 times)-sex can and will become stagnant after a time and according to scientists it is one of the biggest reasons why some marriages/relationships are liable to fail, besides it’s all in the name of pleasure isn’t it? I digress, so how you use your toys is of course, entirely up to you. Men enjoy being teased a while, for example oral sex outside of the briefs/boxers to start. Women would prefer you work from the top, (a long kiss for example), then working your way down. Use of the vibrator should be necessary only after (or before) you have exhausted tongue and finger stimulation. It might be wise to apply the gels just before full coitus, but some don’t mind the taste. If you are in need of a heads-up here, try using your browsing powers and check out the sex toy shops, stores or websites, like the online shop at dreamworld69. You will not believe the range of gear they have.

P.S., my humble advice is a mere tip of the iceberg when it comes to kama sutra, and besides everybody works differently don’t they?

From a worried:

Mr. H. Manko (UK)

Finding Sex Toys from an Adult shop in UK:

Mrs. Manko a housewife in the UK wasn’t just shopping, she was sex shop shopping. Her marriage had nearly broken up two years previously and it was simply because of one thing.  Sex wasn’t what it used to be.  At first they thought about guidance from marriage councillors, who would after a thorough investigation find that they had one major obvious flaw in their marriage. The kama sutra adult guides to love making were not there anymore. Mr. Manko was never a great lover, but because he was lacking in the imagination department, sex turned into more of a chore, especially for his wife Eetmy.  On her part it was simply going through the motions just to please him. He could sense this and after a few years of missionary sex they finally rolled over and gave up. This is when she decided to take the matter into her own hands. She bought herself adult accessories in the form of a two large black dildos; vibrating dildos that could perform all the pleasures and stimulation that he didn’t. She discreetly started an affair-not with another man but with sex toys, the far reaching pleasures that these toys could bring were much greater than anything any man could. Always long and hard never failing, and this is where things got really bad; Eetmy Manko became so obsessed with her toys that it became a secret ceremonious daily habit. Like a drug, it started to take control of her daily routines. Instead of doing housework and other things, she began hours of experimentation with her “boys”, a quicky here and a quicky there-she started to lose control mentally. Mr Manko was now obsolete, that is, until he found out and decided that enough was enough, marriage guidance was now a necessity.   Eetmy confessed all to the councillor. And from then on in, a new system was advised to help her get away from her obsession.

Marriage guidance experts warn that “individual-over- use” of sex toys by either spouse no matter how enjoyable, can lead to major marital problems,  when  a good sex life is not maintained, it’s usually down to the age old reason; communication. Couples should always be open and honest with each other. Likes and dislikes, preferences and results should always be discussed in a diplomatic way.  Instead of saying, “you didn’t turn me on back there”, try talking about a solution such as “I’d like it if you did this or that for me.” Experts agree that adult accessories can be very beneficial to couples as long as they have agreed on the type of accessory.  There is a whole world of adult accessories waiting to be discovered and experimented with. From erotic but elegant costumes to clitoral gels, bondage tools and accessories such as vibrators and inflatable plugs, the list is endless. Companies like dreamworld69 have one of the biggest ranges of sex adult accessories in the UK if not the world. Visiting their shops is not necessary, online ordering is simple; once you have signed in to their secure and discreet website you will be ready to order and it’s not just limited to the UK either. Global orders are accepted from all over the world.

To many women the following story will be all too familiar.  After a day of office slog you fetch the kids, listen to their stories, rush to the supermarket, get home, supervise homework, manage bath-time, pack sandwiches and tog bags, cook dinner, have the necessary arguments about who can or can’t do what and finally  you get the little trolls to bed.  Sometime during this treadmill of domestic grind, hubby waltzes in, puts his feet up, watches TV, demands dinner, scoffs it, heads back to the TV and then starts thrusting his crotch at you to let you know that sex is next on his agenda. 

We’ve also heard many an Agony Aunt advising us to improve our planning and time-management or send the kids to friends so that you can fit him in; both literally and figuratively.

I don’t know about you but I get annoyed by the nonsense advocating that women should make more time to keep on meeting everyone else’s needs but their own.  For starters what these well-meaning control-freaks don’t get is that planning or scheduling and organising a date or week-end with him takes more time; the one precious resource that exhausted women are short of.

Never have I heard an Agony Aunt advise women to stop behaving like the family’s slave and only to meet his every need when you too are in the mood.  With almost a quarter of working women bringing home more bacon than their men, isn’t it time we learned that doing it all, to have it all, is too hefty a price to pay for the modicum of financial freedom women have gained? 

It would seem that many women are happy to do things for their children but they draw the line at having to satisfy the regular demands of his broomstick in your back at bedtime. 

When it comes to sex, lots of women develop avoidance strategies about going to bed and invent all sorts of things that need doing so that he will be snoring by the time she gets there.  Alternatively, women get there first and – even if he arrives a few minutes later – they are masters at pushing out zzz’s pretending to be deep in slumber.

If sex is the best fun we can have with or without our clothes on, then why are women developing crafty strategies to avoid the encounter? 

Perhaps matters would improve if women let their men know that males are least sexually desirable when lazing on the sofa while the sports channel deafens the rest of the family.

I’ve often wondered why men endure all that sweat at the gym if that same finely tuned rear-end is hidden by sinking it into the couch cushions thereafter?  It’s time that males learnt that women are turned on by men’s butts but only if those same buns are actively behind the vacuum cleaner or can be admired when he’s up to his elbows in soap-suds at the kitchen sink. 

So if their sexual demands aren’t met then men should be questioning what they are doing to free up their woman’s energy so that she can enjoy an active sex life.

Okay, I know that many women think this is unrealistic and fear that not meeting his demands (like cooking, cleaning and picking up after him) will end in divorce. 

Many are also concerned that by ignoring his sexual needs he may seek keener pastures.  But the truth is that if he’s the type who doesn’t value your mutual commitment, no matter how well serviced he is at home, he’s going to stray anyway.

The more important question is; when are women going to start considering what they are getting out of the relationship.  If he is not an asset physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually then – like another of your children – he is simply a dependent. 

If this is the case then what is there to cling onto in the partnership?

Many women submit to men’s demands because they resign themselves to the lifelong habit of fulfilling society’s unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a woman.  The tradition of sacrificing ones needs and wishes for others harks back to the dark ages.  Since when is it a woman’s responsibility to work like a man and still be a slave to all the unpaid labour at home? 

If women are to strike a better work/life balance then it requires a lot more than some superficial planning and scheduling.  More importantly it’s about making difficult choices. 

The truth is we either live according to society’s demands – and make ourselves unhappy in the process – or please ourselves and put up with other people’s disapproval.  A happy medium is achieved by weighing up our options in each situation and deciding which demands we’re going to follow – our own or those of society.  

Constantly compromising yourself to meet other people’s needs is one of the main causes of depression in women.  On the other hand only considering yourself will make you self-involved and selfish.

Compromising things that matter to you puts your happiness at risk but there’s also no point in constantly taking him to task about his lack of involvement at home. 

When women nag, men retaliate by developing the knack of selective hearing.  They are prepared to put up with the whining because they know that afterwards you will continue doing everything for them. So instead of nattering about his shortcomings stop doing the things that irritate you. 

In a progressive province in India women became so fed up with men’s behaviour that they successfully organised a no-cooking strike for a few days.  There’s nothing like a rumbling tummy to get a man to change his ways and if rolling mass action isn’t for you then declare a personal strike at home.  Of course you may have to put up with a filthy house for a week or two but this is a small price to pay for appreciable change. 

In her presidential campaign Hillary Clinton appropriated the African saying that it takes a village to raise a child and we women could ease our burden by remembering that it is not a condition of being female to be solely responsible for all and sundry in the family. 

Men have the same appendages at the end of their arms as women do and these can be quite handy if put to work at home.  Children too need to learn to live independently and the only way for them to ultimately become self-sufficient is to be given more responsibility over time.

Often women unwittingly make a rod for their backs by doing too much for husbands and children.  They do so in a desperate bid to gain acknowledgement. All that really happens though is the family gets into the habit of seeing you as a doormat so, instead of appreciation, you’ll just be taken for granted. 

By facing difficult choices and not doing the things that exhaust you, you can trade-in the rod you’ve made for your back.  With the energy you retrieve you could then start calling the shots about if, when and how you may wish to take pleasure in his broomstick.

The real estate mantra ‘location, location, location’ could equally well describe the  preoccupation many people have about getting it right in bed; so much so that perfectionism has reduced sex to little more than position, position, position.  This kind of pressure is supposedly all about being creative between the sheets … or should I say on the kitchen table, perhaps with you served up as the whores d’vour?

Starting with ancient sex manuals like the Kama Sutra, much has been written about spicing up your sex life.  But how many of us get turned on by flipping through a manual while trying to crack a hand-stand in pursuit of a new, more imaginative position? 

It stands to reason that the longer you and your partner have been together the more you’re likely to get into the same old habits. But, if the routine satisfies both of you, then what’s the issue with sticking to positions like the missionary, spooning or styles inspired by Fido? 

The missionary got both its name and a bad rep because the idea of male-on-top suited the establishment’s ideas on what was deemed ‘decent’ in the bedroom.  Anyone who has tried it will know that the missionary is one of the hardest positions from which to satisfy a woman and it was only relevant during times when delighting in coitus was considered wicked for women. 

But if the missionary blows your pubic hair back, chuck out the manuals that suggest otherwise and get on with whatever you consider constitutes a good time.

The idea of inventive sex was initiated to break the missionary mould but today the obsession with ‘getting it right’ has made men and women so guarded and self-conscious that it has sucked the creative juices right out of the reality of being satisfactorily laid.  

It’s common knowledge that creativity and perfectionism cannot co-exist, so if you are fixated about which body part may or may not be shaved and whether you are revealing your cellulite or that wobbly bum, then no matter what position you take, sex will just end up being a mission.

The funny thing about vaginas and penises is that both are quite simple tools to operate; neither needs a complicated instruction manual.  The problem is not the tools so much as the workman and, as each of us enjoys different things, the only direction required is to guide your partner to the hotspots that turn you on. 

Humans have been enjoying sex for thousands of years without having to rely upon manuals, toys and faux nurse’s outfits.   So whether you’re getting your rocks off camping in a cave, soaking in a Jacuzzi or having sex on the beach, the only position important to take is to make sure you’re having fun.

Fun and creativity are products of spontaneity and no one can be spontaneous when we plan a strategy as to where, when, how and for how long we’re going to let our hair down.  Structure destroys imagination and when your toes are pinning back your ears, little could be more off-putting than having to turn to page 64 to find out where his arms and legs belong. 

Sex manuals may be good to spark off some new ideas but, once you’re all fired up, put the book down and let your creative urges rise.  It doesn’t really matter what position you land up in as long as you both enjoy getting there.

Do take some precautions though.  I knew a couple who had a preference for backseat bonking at insane hours of the morning.  On one occasion they chose a quiet golf-course parking lot thinking that the only balls in play would be swung by something flimsier than a five-iron.   However, upon reaching the crescendo they were unexpectedly applauded by a group of early-rising caddies who were overjoyed by such an extraordinary hole-in-one.

Laughter releases tension and can also ease awkward moments so, if you want him pitching tents in his Boxers, being naturally playful is more likely to get the big top up than assuming a position.  

Performance anxiety affects both men and women making it difficult for either to rise to the occasion.  Trying too hard will put the kibosh on creativity and this never-ending quest to get sex right is, in fact, the only way to get it really wrong. 

So, for all you’ve ever wanted to know about your position on positions, just ask your fertile imagination and let the hay roll from there on.

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Stephanie Vermeulen runs seminars on Applied Emotional Intelligence and Women’s Issues in business and public forums as well as being an inspiring speaker, writer and personal coach. Her books, Kill the Princess: Why Women Still Aren’t Free from the Quest for a Fairytale Life‘(USA) / Stitched-up: Who Fashions Women’s Lives?‘ (South Africa) & EQ: Emotional Intelligence for Everyone are available from leading bookstores and online through Amazon.com and Kalahari.net. She can be contacted via her website http://www.eqsa.co.za .