Men are drawn into adulterous relations because of physical attraction, and middle-aged men are especially prone to extramarital affairs. This is because on the one hand they have sexual appetite and on the other they are often bored with monotonous sex with their partner.

If you feel that your spouse is drawing away from you, get into action immediately.

Self-analysis
Look at yourself in the mirror. Are you the same woman he dated 15 years ago or have you turned into something grotesque? Pregnancy, child rearing, over work, and stress can badly affect a woman’s health and appearance. Most middle-aged woman tend to be overweight and some are so bogged down by family responsibilities that they take no care of themselves.

If you feel you have been neglecting yourself, it is time for a makeover. Go to a spa for a rejuvenating massage, color your hair and get a fashionable hair cut. Start dieting and exercising if you are overweight. Don’t ask your husband if he thinks you are fat. Most men either ignore the question or say something casual to avoid hurting feelings. While you try to get the right curves, change your dress style to something more fashionable. Most reputed brands offer fashionable clothes for Plus-size women so you can look better. Also buy sexy lingerie because it is a big turn on for men.

Initiative
Don’t wait for your partner to make the first move. Your spouse may be avoiding you simply because he feels you are not interested in sex and engage in intercourse only to please him. Pursue him with love and desire, and you’ll find him reciprocating. This is because everybody loves to be wanted.

Variety
Bring variety into your relationship. Most couples fall into a routine with regard to sex. Break the routine by suggesting intercourse at an unlikely time and place. Also, experiment with different positions. Read up books like Kamasutra and watch sex videos to learn about new positions.

Communication
Men love to be told that they are great in bed. It adds to their sexual desire and ability. Therefore, tell your spouse that you love the way he makes love to you. Tell him he is sexy and don’t choke your moans during intercourse.

Sex toys
Don’t be shy about suggesting or buying sex toys to spice up sexual intercourse. Today, you can sit at home and order anything from edible whips to handcuffs.

Space
Finally, give your spouse some space. Let him enjoy solitude or a game on TV without having to worry about family problems. A relaxed man will be in a better mood for sex. Don’t constantly call his office to check whether he’s actually there. Nothing can be more irritating to men. It will also show him how insecure you are. If you know he is having an extramarital affair, try to woo him back by introducing the above changes in your life and relationship.

Books should be your best friend. Actually even if you do not read books, maintain a book shelf. You would be amazed by the resultant effect.

A good book has the most profound impact on an individual. A certain Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was so inspired by John Ruskin’s” Unto this last” and captivated by its “ Magical spell” that it motivated him to lead India towards freedom and himself became an icon for world peace – Gandhiji.

Books provide us a ray of light. All of us need motivation in life and not always for achieving the impossible. Sometimes even the small responsibilities in life seem complex and life resembles a battle lost. Read something that moves you and see the resultant effect.

And I am no where implying that we must read books only for self-realization. We need books for entertainment also. A good light book is always better than your silly sit-com or the latest Jim carry movie. And of course you achieve a lot more by reading Kamasutra than by other more imaginative methods.

To buy a book what you need is a bookstore that has large assortment of books available. An online book shop is in fact your best bet. The best part of buying books onlineis you achieve the luxury of actually browsing a lot of books without any kind of physical torture.

And the place to look out for an online book shopis a Cashback site. As you would not only have a wide collection to buy your bookfrom, you would also earn a Cashback on the books bought online.

No longer would the price prevent you from purchasing a book. Enrich your life through a book and you would realize that the money was actually very well spent.

The ‘Hypothalamus’ is a small portion of our brain where sexual desires arise in men as well as in women. Sex is primarily a ‘cerebral’ phenomenon and not genital. The genitals simply execute the commands of our brain. This makes it clear that sexual arousal, the ability to enjoy sex and even the climax are primarily governed by our brain. Fantasies, preferences, turn-ons, likes and dislikes in sex are predominantly functions of our brain. If this is so, then physiologically, men as well as women have an equal ability to generate varied sexual desires and fantasies. Unfortunately, women have been culturally far more inhibited in their sexual expression in the past. Today’s woman, however is becoming more and more aware about her own sexuality, her fantasies and her equal participation in sex.

BEING LEFT WANTING

“She nags me during the day and complains of a migraine at night. We haven’t had intimate contact with each other since months now. I am frustrated and there seems no end in sight. I love her but she says that I don’t care for her. What should I do?” said a young married man. During counselling, the wife burst into tears and said, “He just uses me when he wants sex; he doesn’t love me.” Further probing revealed that she had normal sexual urges and had several encounters with her husband after their marriage. But as time passed, her angry outbursts increased and so also her nagging her husband and calling him selfish. With her nocturnal migraines becoming a daily affair, there would be no possibility of intimacy. She admitted that though he was caring and concerned about her, she was unexplainably angry with him most of the time; in fact, she felt more so, and sad and confused after every sexual act.

Apparently, her husband would invariably take the lead, act impatiently during foreplay, penetrate much before she was fully aroused and ready, always perform intercourse in a missionary position (man on top) and finish the act in seconds. It never occurred to him that she may have different ideas of love-making, may prefer taking the lead sometimes, would like to be an ‘active’ partner during the act and would prefer some other positions too. Once the couple discussed their mutual likes and dislikes, fantasies and preferences, the importance of mutually pleasurable foreplay, various possible settings during love-making, discovering each other’s erogenous zones, things changed for the better.

STORMING A ‘MALE’ BASTION

Many women pass their entire married life without even once experiencing orgasm and complete satisfaction during sex. Most end up as nags, develop problems like migraines or have extramarital affairs, and obsessive indulging in masturbation. Some can also become severely depressed, develop suicidal tendencies, have violent outbursts and even severe forms of psychoneurosis. Imagine the frustration of the woman whose sexual energy has started its journey at the beginning of the sexual act, and is suddenly left ‘high and dry’, as the energy is not allowed to complete its journey.

On conducting a survey, it was found that a significant percentage of men and even women felt that any position besides the ‘missionary position’ amounted to indecent sex indulged only by prostitutes or nymphomaniacs.

Surprisingly, the majority of the male population seemed to talk of sex as a ‘male domain’, and the woman as a ‘passive’ partner who allowed the man sexual gratification. A significantly small percentage spoke about sexual needs, preferences and fantasies of the female partner.

In the Kamasutra by Vatsayana, the different asanas (postures) recommended ensure that the woman plays an ‘active’ part in the sexual act, without which she cannot experience complete sexual satisfaction. In addition, as compared to the man, the woman takes longer to get aroused, needs to be touched, fondled, caressed as per her needs and fantasies. And once she is aroused fully, if she is allowed to actively move in a way that she desires stimulating her sensitive areas, she can climax with or even before her partner.

COMMUNICATE YOUR FANTASIES

Many women think about their sex life in the right direction and in the right proportion, but find themselves completely at a loss when it comes to ‘doing’ something about it. “How can my husband and I love each other so much, yet have such a dull and unexciting sex life?” asked a friend who is herself a clinical psychologist. Had she discussed the problem with her husband, a gynaecologist, to whom she has been married for over 11 years? “I seem to be able to talk to him about everything but our sex life,” she said at last. “I don’t know how to tell him what I desire without seeming critical.”

Women of all educational levels and life experiences, voice similar sentiments. Most married people lack basic information about their spouse’s sexual preferences. My own informal survey of 70 wives found a myriad of fantasies they wanted to share with their husbands. But, as one woman told me, “It is difficult to know how to begin.” As a sex therapist, it is my continuous endeavor to make couples talk to each other openly about everything that matters to them. For everyone in a conjugal relationship, and at all the stages of their relationship, “communication” is the life-line.

To revitalise your sexual relationship too, ‘communication’ is critical. It isn’t the amount or quality of sexual relations that makes or breaks marriage, but rather the degree of “fit” between partners’ sexual needs, fantasies and priorities. Such mutuality comes only with communication. Try to define for yourself and your spouse what your complaints and pleasures are. Many people are uncomfortable and shy about making specific requests, but open talk and experimentation are vital. No one can automatically know what pleases another, without adequate feedback. Love does not make one a mind reader, but instead, love is trusting each other enough, to ask openly and answer honestly.